P is for Pregnant
by freedomatthesea
Summary: The consequences of a one night stand in Neverland catch up to Emma Swan and Killian Jones as they embark on the choppy waters of parenthood either together or alone.
1. P is for Puzzle

01. P is for Puzzle

"Emma, sweetie, the phone's for you." Mary Margaret held up the receiver for Emma to see.

"Who is it?"

"A triage nurse from the hospital." Mary Margaret replied, moving over to stir the pot of oatmeal on the stove. She glanced over her shoulder at Emma, watching her as she grumbled, rubbing at her eyes in a vain attempt to wake up more before answering the phone.

"Hey, it's Emma." Her eyes widened a little, "Are you_ sure_?" She looked up and caught Mary Margaret staring and she turned her back to her slowly, keeping her voice low as she spoke. "It was about a month ago I guess... Yes I know _exactly_ who... Alright, thank you... I guess. I'll make an appointment later today... You too."

She slowly hung up the phone, her head bowed forward as she tried to catch her breath and keep from breaking down. Shit had hit the fan. Emma kept her eyes low, avoiding her mother's perceptive gaze.

"Emma?" Mary Margaret took the pot off of the burner, laying the oven mitt on the counter and turning around to cross her arms and stare daggers at the blond. When she didn't freely give up what was wrong, she questioned her. "Is everything alright?"

"Everything is right as rain." Emam grabbed a Poptart from the closet, tearing the wrapper open and shoving a decent sized piece into her mouth to keep from having to answer anything else right then and there. She wiped her lips with the back of her hand, her words muffled as she chewed. "Can you tell David when he comes out of the shower that I need to go to the docks before I come into work?" She shuffled her feet as she moved to get the lid to her coffee mug out of the dish drainer, but the second she looked down into the coffee mug she went stone still.

_Caffeine._

"Shit." She muttered, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply. "Do we have decaf?" She knew from prison that coffee and anything caffeinated was a no-go.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Mary Margaret caught Emma's arm when she brushed past her to look for the coffee herself. "You're acting really weird and it's unnerving for a mother to see her daughter like this _after_ talking to the hospital."

Emma kept her face turned away from her, trying to gather her wits and keep calm. But the words she had to say sounded foreign and wrong and like the biggest fuck up of her life – second to the big fuck up of her teenage years. She turned slowly, shaking her arm free of the brunette's hold. "Well, about a month ago when we were in Neverland…" She felt a shiver run up her spine as she started to speak, the memories and the feelings of that night washing over her. Mixed with dread now.

"I might have slept with Killian." _Might have _put it incredibly lightly. She'd had the best night of her twenty-nine years of life. For a one handed man he could do some downright amazing things.

"_What_?"

And she should have expected that out of her mother who avidly protested the pirate at every turn.

Emma crossed her arms in front of her and let out a heavy sigh that she'd been holding in since the phone rang. "I had sex on the Jolly Roger with Killian Jones about a month ago. Which is why the doctor called. My blood work came back." She didn't mean to come off sounding condescending, because it wasn't Mary Margaret that she was angry with. It was herself. "I'm pregnant."

Mary Margaret's head tilted and her expression dropped. "_Emma_."

"Please don't Emma me." Emma's eyes closed and she fought to keep ahold of herself. "I need to go and tell Killian."

"Tell Killian what?" David stepped through into the kitchen, running his fingers through his still damp hair.

Emma met her mother's eyes and shook her head – eyes widening in an effort to keep her mother from telling him yet. "Well, I was actually going to have her tell _you_ that I'm going down to the docks to talk to Killian."

"About what?" He asked curiously, pouring himself a mug of coffee, eyeing his daughter curiously. "Is something wrong?"

"Both of you need to stop being so goddamn perceptive." Emma's lips pressed together thin and she shoved another bite of Poptart in her mouth, even though she didn't feel remotely hungry now.

"Is there something that he deserves to be punched for?" David chuckled, but the laugh was short lived when Mary Margaret slapped his arm. "Okay, _ow_, what was that for? What's going on?"

Emma cringed, "I'm pregnant."

"_What_?"

"You see, this is exactly why I wasn't going to tell you yet. I need to talk to Killian before you kill him."

"When did this happen?"

Emma crossed her arms, "I can give you specifics if that's what you want. And before you get all defensive – I actually kinda started the whole entire thing that night so you can't blame him."

"Em-"

"Nope." Emma shook her head, starting to back towards the door. "I'm _so_ not having this conversation with the two of you right now. Okay? It's not like I've never fucked up before. But this time…" She trailed off, shaking her head a little more solemnly this time. This time, the baby was going to have his or her father.

She knew that Killian wanted a family. They had had that conversation on the ship. How much it had meant to him when he _thought_ he would have a family – how they both knew what it felt like to have it in the palm of your hand and have it ripped away from you.

She knew he was jealous that she _still_ had it and he had nothing.

"I'll be at the station later." Emma gave her parents a tight lipped smile, grabbing the half eaten Poptart and rushing out of the house before anything else could be said to her.

She was barely holding it together.

The moment that she was in the bug alone and able to let the realization hit her completely, without having an audience watching her was the moment that she cracked. The air rushed from her lungs, her pulse pounding in her ears, making her feel like the world was closing in on her. A panic attack – something she'd become far too accustomed to when she was in prison. Because no matter how many times she'd convinced herself she'd have her baby and she'd have her life when she got free – she had known that he'd be taken from her no sooner than he was born. No one was going to be waiting for her on the other side.

But Killian _wasn't_ Neal. She _wasn't_ seventeen.

Emma bowed her head, pressing her forehead against the steering wheel. She could feel tears threatening to escape her eyes. She just had to keep reminding herself that this _could_ work.

They were on good terms, even if they pretended that they weren't. There was something there that they were both afraid of and they kept it at bay by pretending that the other didn't exist. But then he'd turn up at the station or she'd go down to the docks. And they knew they were trying to see each other, without making it obvious. But they both _knew_. The just never said it in so many words.

The drive to the docks was inordinately longer than it usually was and even that didn't give her enough time to figure out what she was going to tell him. You didn't just walk up onto the ship and announce to the man you'd slept with a month ago that you were pregnant. It wasn't the simple. Nothing was ever simple and it would _never_ be simple if either of them were involved.

The docks were quiet. Lerory and the other men were probably at the mines today. Or maybe still at Granny's having breakfast. Thinking about where _anyone_ else was, was easier than thinking about where she was.

"Ahoy lass."

Emma shielded the sun from her eyes as she looked up to the deck of the Jolly Roger, spotting Killian climbing down from the mast. His boots thumped against the boards of the deck as he jumped down the last length of the mast. "Shall I lower the gangplank for you?"

Her mouth felt dry and the one little word that escaped her lips cracked as it hit the air. "_Yes_." She pushed her hands into her jean pockets, her eyes flickering closed as she inhaled – steadying herself. "I can do this." She muttered to herself, forcing a smile when she felt his gaze on her.

"You alright there, love?" Killian's voice was strained as he moved the heavy plank into place. He tilted his head, looking down at the blond curiously. "You don't even have to answer, judging by that expression, something's amiss."

Emma swallowed thickly, starting up the gangplank. "You have no idea." She gave him a look that warranted no smart ass remarks from him. "Do you think we could go in your cabin and talk?"

Killian arched a brow, lips parting to say something that he quickly chose not to say. "Right this way." His eyes lingered on her face a moment longer before he turned on his heels and headed straight towards his cabin.

Emma shuffled her feet as she walked and she felt like she was seventeen again. For a moment the memories of walking through into the little meeting room to talk to child services f lashed in front of her, making her heart clench. She wasn't _her_ anymore. Those walls that she carefully built up around herself after losing Henry, losing everyone, were crumbling – _had_ been crumbling, since the day that Killian Jones was pulled from beneath a pile of dead bodies and he looked up at her with those impossibly blue eyes and life changed.

"Well, Swan, out with it. What's wrong?" Killian crossed his arms across his chest, giving off an air of indignation as a front. His boot tapped against the floor and his eyes narrowed at her.

She inhaled sharply, preparing herself, "Do you remember back in Neverland… When we were talking about our pasts – after a half a bottle of rum was gone – and you told me that _all_ you ever wanted was a family with Milah? That you'd gone back, against her wishes, to retrieve her son so that you could have the family you always dreamed of?" He nodded and she continued, "And I told you how I always wanted a family and I wanted to settle down and live the dream life even if it was out of the back of a car? And I _almost _had that with Neal, but he left me and I went to jail and I ended up losing that little bright spot in my life for ten years until he found me?"

"What does all of this have to do with any bloody thing?"

"I'm pregnant."

That was a hell of a lot blunter than Emma had planned for it to be. She'd wanted to have an easy edge into it, soften the blow with something else. But instead that was what he got.

"_What_?" Killian's voice was low and gravely, tinged with anger and a hint of fear. And it caught her off guard.

Emma's eyes fluttered and she looked down to the ground, "Well that was the night you first kissed me and the next night I came back because _apparently_ I'm an idiot." She looked up then and she met blue eyes that were full of unexpected anger. "Don't you dare look at me like that." Emma snapped, finding her voice finally. "I didn't _plan_ for this to happen it was mistake."

Killian stood unmoving, his eyes glued to her face. No words past his lips.

"Alright then." Emma rolled her eyes, turning away from and heading straight for the door.

"Swan! Wait."

How many times had they said words like that to one another?

Emma turned back, "What?"

"I'm not angry at you." He spoke softly, with more compassion than he had yet to use throughout their brief interchange. "I'm not _angry_ at anyone except myself." His fist was tight at his side and his jaw was hard set. "I don't deserve this Emma. This is the second chance I wanted and I do not fucking deserve this."

Emma's brows knit together, "Everyone deserves a second chance Killian." She bit down on her bottom lip as she searched his eyes – it was the first time since _that_ night since she'd used his real name. "After everything you did for _me_, you should know that second chances do happen. This is mine. This is my chance to be a mother throughout the whole process and… frankly I'm terrified because I don't think I'm a great mother."

"You're an amazing mother Emma." Killian said warmly, stepping towards her. "I've seen how your lad looks at you and its with nothing but complete and utter love." He stopped before he reached her, tensing up as he stared at her. "But I can't be the father that he deserves." He took a step backwards then, shaking his head. "I can't be the father for _this_ baby either."

She wasn't going to fight him on it. If that was his decision – so be it. She had given him a chance and now _she_ had to deal with _her_ mistake. "I understand." Emma swallowed shakily, her eyes searching his once more before she disengaged. "I just wanted you to know. Because-" _I know how much being a father had meant to you_. "Never mind it doesn't matter. Have a nice rest of your day." Emma smiled at him, masking the pain. Her lips were pressed together, curving up in that almost sarcastic way, her eyes – no doubt – showing exactly what she felt inside.

Maybe he wasn't different. Maybe she was just as naïve as before.

"_Emma_…?"

"Yes?" She glanced over her shoulder, her fingers curling around the handle of the door. "What is it?"

"Never mind." Killian shook his head, his eyes dropping to the floor. "Good bye."

She wasn't going to come back to the docks. She wasn't going to see him at the station. She wasn't going to have him beside her through all of this.

It was like finding that center piece to a puzzle – it belonged to the whole puzzle, it matched everything around where you were trying to put it, but the end pieces were missing and nothing matched up. It was right, but it was wrong.

_To be continued._


	2. R is for Regrets

02. R is for Regrets

"I didn't order this." Emma said confusedly, looking up at the brunette as she sat the mug of hot cocoa down in front of her.

"But you look like you _need_ it." Ruby replied in a sing-song voice, her hands on her hips as she flashed the sheriff a reassuring grin. "You've been studying the countertop for the last twenty minutes like its filthy and I _swear_ I cleaned it, so you can't possibly be staring at _it_."

Emma scrunched up her nose, the scent of the hot cocoa hitting her and making her stomach roll. _Everything_ was making her stomach roll lately and coming to the diner had probably been an awful decision. But it was easier to sit in a room full of people, keeping her mind clouded with noise, rather than sitting at home staring at a bowl of unappetizing cereal and letting Killian's voice echo in her mind. "I'm not really in the mood. Sorry."

She offered the waitress a sympathetic smile, her head tilting to the side as she pushed the cocoa back across the counter.

"Are you getting sick, Emma?" Ruby frowned as she stared at the woman, before her brows shot upwards. "_Emma_!" She stepped forward and pressed her palms against the counter top, dropping her voice low as she spoke. "I _thought_ you smelt different."

"What the hell?" Emma's shook her head at Ruby's words, "That's wildly inappropriate…. _No_." She realized exactly what Ruby meant by that and she tensed. She had half expected her mother had already told her, but she was thankful that things had been kept under wraps at least.

"I can _hear_ two heartbeats Emma, I'm not stupid." Ruby widened her eyes, tilting her head as she stared at the woman. "Who were you with?"

Emma flushed pink, "It doesn't matter who, he doesn't want to be involved and I… I _really _don't want to talk about this Ruby." She drummed her fingers against the countertop, her eyes clenching closed. "Please get rid of the hot cocoa before I have to rush to the bathroom."

The scent was making her sick and the worst part of that was the fact that she _desperately_ wanted hot cocoa to curl up with and calm down. Because she hadn't calmed down since the day she walked out of Killian's cabin.

She could only feign a brave face for so long.

"I'm sorry." Ruby said quickly, removing the mug from the counter and taking it back into the kitchen. She returned moments later, heading right back to Emma. She wasn't going to let the subject drop. "Who though?" She questioned, keeping her voice low. "You didn't sleep with Neal befor-"

"Before he died?" Emma gave Ruby an incredulous look, "No. I made that mistake eleven years ago, that was never going to happen again." Her hand went instinctively to her stomach. She inhaled deeply before she gave up. She had to tell someone - she needed someone who wasn't her mother to talk to. "It's Killian's."

"Who?" Ruby's brows knit together and her eyes rose above Emma's head. "_Oh_, Hook!"

"Yeah, _Hook_." Emma said distantly, rubbing her temples. "And he doesn't want to be invol-"

"Talking about me _love_?"

Ruby cringed as Emma looked up and met her eyes, "I meant he was right behind you."

"I gathered as much, now." Emma snapped, tilting her head to see the pirate settle up at the counter beside her. "Common curtsey would say that when you came in and saw me here, you should have left."

"You know, I don't think you left the cabin the other day with me saying I _never _wanted to see you again." Killian waved his hand for Ruby to come back the second that she started to wander away. "I'd like a hot cocoa please."

Emma's brows shot upwards, "That's _my_ order."

"I liked it when I was a kid. 'Course I suspect that this world makes it painfully sweet, I'm used to _bitter_." He tapped his fingers against the counter top, eyeing the waitress before he turned his attention back to Emma. "Is there a problem with me drinking hot cocoa now?"

"No, it's just… What _I_ get and…" Emma shook her head, "I can't drink it now without getting nauseous."

Killian frowned, "I'll take water." He didn't even bother turning his attention back to Ruby, he kept his eyes trained on Emma's face, before they flickered to her stomach, concealed by her leather jacket.

"Oh, so _now_ you care or something?" Emma said, a little more bitterly than she'd intended to. She splayed her palms out over the countertop, keeping her head ducked as Ruby passed by with an all too fake cheery smile and his glass of water.

He drank the water in silence. She turned her head just enough to watch him, but remained silent until she couldn't take not knowing any longer. Him being there made _no_ sense. He'd never come into the diner before – at least not that she knew. It didn't make sense for to just be _there_ when that's where she was.

"Why the hell are you here?"

Killian arched a brow, "Well, you see… I got hungry." He forced a smile, his eyes going back down to her stomach, "And I wanted to see you."

"Maybe I don't want to see _you_." Emma said tightly, gripping her own water glass tightly in her hand. "How did you know I was here?"

"I have my ways. You seemed off today." The pirate let his shoulders sag, lifting his water glass to his lips, but not taking a sip. "But don't be flattered too much, I've come here before." He added tersely, eyeing her.

"Morning sickness and a shitty life," Emma gave him a sickeningly sweet smile, "It would make even the strongest feel like hell." She reached in her pocket, pulling out a few dollars and laying them on the counter. "You've made _two_ hot cocoas now and no one drank them. Here's the money for them."

"You're leaving?" Ruby questioned, scooping up the money and eyeing the pirate and the sheriff, her brows knit together "Okay…"

"I need to get to work." It was her day off, but no one needed to know that. She met Killian's eyes, "It was nice to see you." She lied, turning her eyes to the floor and making her way out of the diner.

She needed _air_. She had thought, for the briefest time, that she could _finally_ breathe when he was there. But now it felt like all of the air in the room had been sucked out, while he was there near her. He made her heart _hurt_ in ways that she didn't want it to hurt.

Neal leaving her hadn't even left her this broken. Walking away from Killian had hurt far more than she'd expected it too. It was like leaving behind half of herself and even after a few weeks to push it all aside, it was still there aching beneath her ribs.

The way he looked at her stomach told a completely different story than the one that his words had. There was compassion in those too-blue eyes when he looked at the place that would one day swell with his child. He _wanted_ it, but no doubt like her – he was terrified.

Emma stopped in her tracks, halfway to the station and halfway from the diner. She should go back – sit down and _talk _to him, like an adult, instead of rushing off like others had done to her. Running away was cowardly and she was interested in ever being seen as a coward. It was bad enough that Henry had seen her as one, all because she'd _lied_ to protect him.

"Fuck it." Emma muttered to herself, turning back around and heading for the diner. She wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to fix this and make it work and… convince him that she _needed_ him involved in this. Need – her walls were coming down. All thanks to him.

She pushed the door open to the diner and stopped dead in her tracks.

"What the hell are you doing?" Emma shouted as she surveyed the scene before her. David had Killian face down on the counter, his arm twisted behind his back and the hook was lying on the floor. There was shattered glass beside it and a glint of crimson reflected in the clear glass.

"Hello beautiful." Killian flashed her a lopsided and _clearly_ pained smile and it only proved to make David press his cheek harder into the top of the counter.

"Let him go!" Emma's hands went to her hips and she stared daggers at her father, "And explain yourself. _Now_."

"Not here."

"_Really_?" The blond gritted out, her eyes widening, "If you didn't want this to be public, explain to me why you've got Killian like that?"

"I-.." David hesitated, releasing the pirate who didn't move after he was released. "I couldn't let him get away with what he's done to you Emma."

"You're about _eleven_ years late on the real person I'd like you to punch out for me." Emma said with the slightest hint of remorse – he was dead, she shouldn't be like that towards him now.

Killian finally stood up, his hand going to his cheek, wincing when he found blood there. "Bloody hell." He hissed, grabbing a napkin off of the counter and holding it to his cheek, his eyes clenched together.

"Get out of my way David." Emma said firmly, motioning for her father to step aside as she moved to be in front of Killian. "Let me see it." She said in a tone so much different from the ones she had used with him earlier.

Killian slowly pulled the napkin away from his cheek, biting down on his bottom lip to silence a hiss of pain, his eyes clenching shut. "It could be a lot worse." Emma said gently, grabbing another napkin and slowly wiping at the gash in his cheek. "I'm guess this glass was involved?"

"He fucking slammed me fast down into my own glass." Killian winced, his eyes flickering towards the prince. "I should go Emma… We've made a scene." He looked around the diner, feeling their eyes all on him.

He was always going to be the odd man out.

"We'll talk…" Emma said assuredly, letting her fingers linger against his cheek as she pressed the napkin to his cheek again. "I _don't_ regret this." She whispered, her gaze flickering up to meet his too-blue eyes. "I want this to work."

"Aye, lass." Killian said distantly. "Not here." He insisted again, nodding his head to the hook on the ground, "Can you get that for me?"

Emma nodded, leaning down to pick up the hook, handing it to him casually. But he took that as an opportunity to catch her hand, smoothing his fingers over it.

"Thank you, lass." Killian released her hand, twisting his hook back into place, "I'll see you later." His eyes lingered on her face as he stepped past her, the faintest smiling curving his lips. Maybe he had been too rash before, too scared. Maybe time and seeing each other had made him realize he _could_ do this. Even if he didn't deserve it. He had regrets, but he wouldn't let _their _child be his biggest regret.


End file.
